Wait, What?!? Jo Durt is for Trump? I could barely believe it myself, even though I completely made it up. To get to the bottom of it I did the only sensible thing I could think of and held a completely made up interview with her.
NORTHSIDE: So Jo, you like Trump?
JO DURT: No, I thinkz he is a buffoon. He remindz me of a Joovenile Herring Gull.
NORTHSIDE: But you’re a Trump supporter?
JO DURT: Reducktantly, yes. He haz big talonz and is willing to punch stuff that needz to be punched. He haz a sharp tomial tooth and is not afrade to break the spine of the Beesandwichment. I thinkz itz gud to shake things up.
NORTHSIDE: “Beesandwichment”? Do you mean the “Establishment“?
JO DURT: Yes, like I saidz. The Beesandwichment. The Murdia and Polikal Eleetz. They used to call that a “Konspirasy Theery” but now we talk about it openly and publikly. The Rooling Klass. And if you followz the munny, it all leads back to eleetz like Kathy Clark & Ben Wurst.
JO DURT: Exactly. The Eleetz. They livez in ivory towerz and only kare for the PEFA who support their ajendaz… The ultra-wealthy PEFA who live in the famed PEFA towers like the Sedge Islands, the Manahawkin Tower, and of kourse, the Jersey City Falcon Cam bunch.
NORTHSIDE: Do you think that is fair? They also help the poor, underprivileged PEFA like those who pick horrible bridges to nest in. They helped you when you were born in in a flower pot on the balcony of someone’s condo!
JO DURT: Preesicily. They kowtow to the rich, and make a big show of modestly helping the poor, but all the while, regular, hard working PEFA like me and my brutherz are getting skweezed.
I’m just a regular middle-class PEFA. I come from a humbil background. Sheesh, I wuz born in a dirty flower pot. But I workz hard, I only murder regular burdz like I’m supposed to, I wear my bandz. I obay the lawz. I don’t need help. But I need the Amerikan Dreem to be an Amerikan Reelality. I work hard, but I kan’t affordz a home. I kan’t affordz basic health insurance in case I hitz a telefone pole. My only upshuns are to fight the rich to try and take their spotz, or livez in abject poverty so Kathy and Ben will haz to take kare of me.
So instedz I sitz on a Water Tower just minding my own bizness, but praying for change.
NORTHSIDE: So what could Trump do specifically for PEFA like you?
JO DURT: I don’t kare about him bilding wallz to keep out the bubberflies and Snow Owls who eat our burdz and tries to kill us. I think he just sayz that stuff to letz us know there are always opshuns to solve problemz, if we really want to solvez them.
But for starterz, he could make Kathy & Ben let you, Mr. Norfside, put an affordable, middle klass PEFA nest on ur roof deck.
NORTHSIDE: Interesting Jo. Really interesting. That’s actually a really fantastic idea.
JO DURT: Or maybeez he could fix the lawz to make it more difficult to export our PEFA out of da kuntry. Even the eleetz precious, baby loobyist “Ivy” went to Canada bekawz it iz cheeper. I understand why PEFA don’t want to murder burdz in Amerika anymore. Iz too expensivez.
NORTHSIDE: What do you say in response to the media’s inference that you are a racist and a threat to democracy?
JO DURT: Iz not racist! I murderz all burds. Yellow burds, blue burds, red burds…. and how could I be a threat to democracy? Iz simply part of the majority of Burdpublikans that want to vote for him. Expressing our opinions iz democracyz.
NORTHSIDE: I want to thank you Jo Durt. This has been very unusual and interesting. Before we wrap up, do you mind if I pet you?
JO DURT: OK, but don’t messes up mah hair.
JO DURT: OOO. Hahaha!!! Stop it Mr. Norfside!!!!! It tickelz!!!!!111!!!!!!!