PEFA’s 2nd Chance

Readings From The Northside Readers: 82% Wrong
According to the PEFA, Readings From The Northside readers are 82% Wrong. Look at those carefully composed talons.
The results of the recent year end pole showed a surprisingly low number of votes, 18%, for Josephine Durt the Peregrine Falcon for Pole Master. I found that a bit odd considering how the Peregrine Falcon, the world's fastest animal and also the world's largest attitude clearly rule the beaches around here. I ran down to the pole tonight to check it out and see what was what.
The results of our recent year end pole showed a surprisingly low number of votes, 18%, for Josephine Durt the Peregrine Falcon for Pole Master. I found that a bit odd considering how the Peregrine Falcon, the world’s fastest animal and also the animal with the world’s largest attitude, clearly rule the beaches around here. So I ran down to the pole tonight to check it out and see what was what.
U must obeyz! Stewartz iz a fony-balony!
U must obeyz ur one tru mazter! 
Sure enough, I found this darling PEFA holding court.
Sure enough, I found this darling PEFA holding court. He quickly accused me of hosting a “sham” poll that was “cooked up by the Eagle companies to sell more Eagles.”  Clearly upset, he incoherently babbled several conspiratorial theories about “elites trying to keep the masses in the dark” and how Snow Owls practice mind control, and also claimed wildly that Kathy Clark, Ben Wurst, and even Todd Pover have told the Peregrine that they are, secretly, the Conserve Wildlife Foundation of New Jersey’s “favorite” bird.
Well, I'm not sue about all that... but they sure are purty.
Well, I’m not sue about all that… but they sure are purty.