One time as I was leaving a coffee shop, I saw a woman breast feeding on a park bench. Being the classy guy that I am, my instinct was to avert my gaze and afford this noble mother as much privacy and dignity as can be afforded a woman with exposed breasts on a public park bench downtown.
But I gawked instead because two small details caught my subconscious attention and my brain was unable to compute, so it sought more data. Detail A: the woman was scratching off lottery tickets. Detail B: the baby was standing upright, a full 3 1/2 feet tall, wearing its kid’s sized trucker’s cap angled backwards so as not to get any breast milk on its cool, hipster, logo brim.
I didn’t get a chance to say it then, so I’ll say it now: “Lady, your baby is too big.”
This is the story that comes to mind when Tufters & Tacey brood the increasingly not-so-itty-bitties.