Indiana Wurst & The Tower of Doom

Calm before the storm
Calm before the storm

I’m sure glad I wasn’t driving when I got the txt-of-a-lifetime from Ben Wurst: “Would you have any interest in joining me to band Peregrine Falcon chicks on Sedge Island?” ANY INTEREST???!!!11!?? Well, there is a question that does not need asking. Longtime readers certainly know of Ben Wurst, the Osprey Hero, of the Conserve Wildlife Foundation of NJ. If you see an Osprey in the wild somewhere in NJ, you can be pretty sure that Ben lovingly cuddled it when it was a baby. What you may not know is that Ben’s stewardship of wild New Jersey extends far beyond Osprey, and that he also lovingly cuddles Turtles and the most uncuddle-able animal on our shores: the Mighty Peregrine Falcon.

I was prepared for this
I was prepared for this.
I was not prepared for this
I was not prepared for this.

Ben Wurst truly lives the dream. His life is full of untold adventures, and all of them are for the high purpose of  caring for wildlife that humans have inadvertently decimated, and of keeping our natural world a nice place to hang out in. Having been out with Ben before, I already knew things that are just-another-day-at-the-office for Ben are heart stopping adventures-of-a-lifetime for the rest of us. I explored options like yoga, religion, and medication to help me keep my cool while Peregrine Falcons attempted to tear Ben’s face off and I attempted to get pictures. I was ready for Greenheads to suck up to a pint of blood out of me while I stood knee deep in bay muck, crabs picking off bits of my toes. But I never saw this one coming:

Ready? We just have to climb up there. What? scared of heights? I’m pretty sure I mentioned we have to climb a 35 foot tower. Don’t worry. I’ll tell you which of the rickety boards you shouldn’t grab onto. Besides, you have to. I need you to hold the chicks while I band them.

"Just don't look down, and don't look up either"
“Just don’t look down, and don’t look up either”

The next 15 mins are a blur, erased, perhaps forever, in a post traumatic stress response. I vaguely recall the sound of Ben’s voice gently giving me climbing  instructions more complex than a 12,500 piece Lego(tm) Set to get to the top.

“You just wanna’ kind-of wrap your left arm under that rusty iron thing while crossing your right arm backwards around your neck, then pocket your left heel in between those two rotting boards there, but don’t put your left foot on that one… put it on the other one… yeah, that one that is pulling off the tower and flapping in the breeze… it should hold your weight… I think, don’t worry”

It was a sick game of high stakes, mid-air Twister.

And your prize, if you makes it to the tops, iz that I will try to kill you!"
“And ur prize, if you even makez it to the topz, iz that I will try to knock u off!”
Not true. There was a treasure a-top the Tower of Doom.
But it was all a bluff… the heights, the attacks… all elaborate booby traps. The Tower of Doom is protecting Treasure.
The Prize
The Prize
Awwww. He called may bluffz.
Awwww. He called mah bluffz.

Hands shaking and body wracked with cortisol, we reached the top. But just one look in the nest box, and one touch of the hot, downy fuzz balls was all I needed to get reoriented and remember what this was all about. CHICKZZZ!!!!!!!


Banding these itty bitty terrors is important work. Sometimes, folks with a narrow view of things casually say stuff like “You should leave those wild birds alone. You shouldn’t interfere.” What those folks are missing is that good people like Ben are actually attempting to undo human interference. Left unchecked, we humans nearly eradicated these important predators completely. It has taken generations of dedication and intelligent, carefully strategized human interference to start to reverse the sloppy, careless, and dangerous interference of the past. Banding and tracking the population is a critical part of that work.

Furry Dinosaur
Furry Dinosaur. Bonus: a selfie of yours truly reflected in the eyeball.
Bird Manglers
Bird Manglers
First Feathers
First Feathers
Meanwhile, right above our heads...
Meanwhile, right above our heads…
Iz Eyas! An unfledged, nestling hawk is known as an "Eyas". They are also known as "adorbz".
Iz Eyas! An unfledged, nestling hawk is known as an “Eyas”. They are also known as “adorbz”.
Mission Accomplished: An Eyas with some fancy new bling!
Mission Accomplished: An Eyas with some fancy new bling.

Another tiny job for Ben Wurst and the good people of the Conserve Wildlife Foundation of New Jersey has just gone down as another unforgettable life experience for Readings From The Northside. Once again we are reminded that when we see some cool piece of wildlife down-the-shore, chances are we only have that amazing experience because a small group of dedicated heroes were willing to build, maintain, and repeatedly scale a Tower Of Doom to preserve these things for us. These two Furry Dinosaurs are not just two random birds. They are early forefathers (yes, they were both male) and important early seeds in repopulating the world with these bird mangling monsters. And that’s something I’m glad I put my fear-of-heights aside for. Put your fear of poverty aside and consider donating something to the CWFNJ. Every little bit counts. Just be sure to donate at least enough to build a less terrifying way up the Tower of Doom.

UPDATE: New video, “Indiana Wurst & The Tower Of Doom” as been added. Watch it by clicking here.